simple questions and complicated answers...

It has been a long time. I am afraid I must apologise for my lack of any proper update of late. Time and distance have a way of getting the best of all of us...

But the world continues to turn. Days come and go. The sun rises and sets (as it has a habit of doing :)). Seasons change, leaves gently fall, and life goes on as it must...
But I cannot really complain. For my days remain full, my work worthwhile, my worries few and I continue to enjoy an altogether uncomplicated existence...

Perhaps that is why, when asked a very simply question by one of my elementary school students, I was taken completely aback by my inability to answer:

"Sensei... Are you happy?"

Voiced with such complete openness. So naive in its innocence. Not yet jaded or weighed down by the perceived responsibilities and everyday complications of life... as each of us eventually becomes...

I often wonder if I was ever so young...

For a long time after I could not find the words, and I was left to ponder the question late into the evening and many days hence. Sometimes the questions can seem so simple on the surface yet hide layers of complexity underneath... or mayhap I simply complicate them in my own mind :).
Whatever the case, I think I found myself walking through the motions of my recent existence in somewhat of a daze, wondering where in fact I was going with my life. Wondering how I could possibly approach the question, let alone the answer...

I think in the end we are all searching for some kind of meaning, and the path that leads to that altogether elusive sense of happiness and fulfillment. Contentment if you will, of time richly spent and a life well lived. I sometimes wonder if such things are even meant to be. For if we were ever truly content, what more would there be left to strive for...? I think I may have shared this with you all before, but it is worth repeating. There is an old middle-eastern proverb, or blessing if you will, that roughly translates into "may all your dreams, but one, come true...". I think there is a truth in that. To achieve everything you set out to do in this life, but always have something more to look forward to, some other road to explore, some distant country to discover, all lying just over the horizon...

But in this life, it really is to each their own and we must find our own sense of meaning to our own set of questions. There is no way of knowing what another person truly feels, or understanding entirely where they are coming from. No matter how well we may or may not know another, we each live such individual lives, so unique and multifaceted in their complexity, that we have trouble enough understanding our own – let alone anyone else's.

Yet I think we can all understand in part the feeling of getting older and reflecting on a life that was... or could have been. I think we are all doomed and blessed to forever be questioning "why?" and never really reaching a satisfactory answer. It is simply part of the human condition. The endless "what if...?"

But in the end, do not stress overly much. We all simply live in our own ways. And we all have doubts about whether it is right or wrong. But there is no "right" or "wrong" way to live. Simply different paths...

And while I sometimes wish someone would simply come along and tell me what to do. I understand that there are no easy answers in this world. Life is hard. It is supposed to be. And in the end, that is ultimately what makes it all the more worthwhile. The world is not perfect, but it is out there trying the best it can, and that is what makes it so darn beautiful :) It may not seem that way now, but if you will forgive me for saying something that "old" people say... but one day, you will see... :)

And so in closing I ask you all an echo of the question that took me so aback...

so... are you happy? I mean, would you call yourself a happy person...?

...and the answer which comes closest to encapsulating my own. Something I saw in a film or read in a book or heard in a song, I cannot remember which, but they seem to be the source of more and more of my answers in this life... :)

so... well, if you are asking me an honest question, I'll tell you. I'm happy enough. I don't expect much. I don't give much. I don't get much. I generally enjoy whatever comes my way. That's my truth. Summed up for your judgment... I'm happy enough..."

But is enough, enough...?

What is your answer? Or is this even the right question?